Self Love Club

This season is all about you.

Welcome to the…

Everyone is welcome, supported, and vulnerable here.

Special delivery!

Dear lovely reader,

Please treat this letter as one that was properly homemade, glittered, and received in your mail box. Cozy up next to a fireplace (if you don’t have one, use this gem of a video from YouTube) and tuck yourself under a fuzzy blanket. Once the ambiance is set, allow this love letter to trickle into your soul.

Whether you’re in love, looking for love or entirely on your own path, you’re meant to be here. My version of Valentine’s Day does not discriminate based on relationship status (and frankly, nobody should tell you any differently). Everything happens in the time it is meant to, and regardless, we are all in a serious, full fledged relationship with ourselves. This is the relationship that I want to breathe life into.

I was always envious of the women who basked in their autonomy and celebrated their independence like it was their reason for being. You know the ones, sitting at coffee shops, kindle in hand, legs crossed without a care in the world. They roam the city in search of a crisp pinot grigio midday. Because they deserve it, of course.

And I finally think I’ve cracked the code as to how these wonderfully feministic creatures embody this aura.

Whether they were alone or accompanied, they were never lonely.

Your toxic fling hasn’t replied in a few hours? Who cares, more me time. Plans fell through? Hallelujah, I can get ahead on my monthly to be read or sign up for the pilates class I would’ve missed.

It took me 25 years and 158 days for my psyche to appreciate that reveling in your own company is a privilege. Settling into the initial discomfort of alone time is a small token to pay towards enjoying the energy that you single-handedly bring the world.

I’m letting you in on a little secret… the love you carry (or will learn to carry) for yourself intertwines with every other relationship. “Love fully” is a common narrative strewn about in Pinterest saves and everyday lingo. Yet in order to put this aesthetic phrase into practice, there is one, crucial person you must begin with.

It feels much more simple to love your past self. To think back on the three, thirteen or twenty-three year old version of you and nostalgically declare “I want to give that person a hug”. It’s because you knew where that person ended up, and they lived everyday, showing up in that past life as someone you can now feel proud of.

Why is it so complex to give your present self that same energy?

I spent my early twenties in an unrequited paradox. I nourished my mind and body with only the bare minimum, essential modes of survival. I have my persevering body relentless mind to thank for where I am today. For adapting to the inconsistent patterns and mental rollercoasters. For battling each day and believing it was worth the fight.

Although I never intentionally neglected my physical and mental being, I lived in a state of impassiveness. Words without backup. Internally urging myself to go to therapy with no research or follow through. Blaming my lazy self care methods on college coursework or going through heartbreak.

Then, one day, I stepped to the plate.

Maybe it was because I never felt well rested enough to complete the to-do’s I asked of myself the night before as I was binging the new season of Love Island. Maybe it was my jeans fitting looser from not having the willpower to walk to the college cafeteria. Maybe it was selling all of my clothes to Plato’s closet because I did not have the motivation to work 5-9 after completing my Philosophy & Rhetoric essay. Maybe it was the crumbling sensation I felt after enduring yet another panic attack from lack of, well, everything.

Whatever it was, my determination to overcome the self loathing period I had dug myself into felt astronomically more powerful than the desire to hunker down and click on Netflix.

It was not an overnight sensation, but I felt myself within reach of grasping the second rein. I did not want to ride bareback anymore.

Shifting your perspective is key to self love.

Although love is everywhere, the greatest love you’ll ever know is internal. It’s human nature to crave being loved, and simultaneously abandon the person you spend every breath, every waking moment with.

I’m going to challenge you. Regardless of your relationship status, take yourself on a date. Head to your local coffee shop that has a seasonal pink latte, treat yourself to a massage or hydrating facial, spend a Saturday night in watching a classic film (highly recommend The Parent Trap), grab a table for one at a cafe and bring your current read.. the options are endless.

You deserve to know what pride feels like in the present, not just the past. And you’re never too far gone to be the woman who looks self sufficient sitting alone on the porch at your local diner.

Love always,

Haley xx

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Now that we’ve dug deep into self love, I want to share resources on how to love others during February.

How to Spread the Love

❤︎⁠ Letters of Love Global: A simple yet creative way to put a smile on a child’s face. As this organization typically operates within high schools and teen settings, there’s not an age limit for who can send a thoughtful message. And you could make a night out of it! Host a gals night, grab some art supplies (they go to kids, don’t skip the glitter!) and get crafty while speaking from the heart.

❤︎ Donate blood through a local blood drive, such as American Red Cross. They are urgently seeking donors as there is a severe blood and platelet shortage. Find a blood drive in your area now.

❤︎ Support local businesses. Buy your V-day letters, candles, or care packages from communal stores. A resource for my Minnesotans from MinnBox.

❤︎ Purchase from brands that are giving part of their proceeds to a cause. Examples include:

- See’s Candies supports the Melanoma Research Center

- Kendra Scott benefits local charities under the Kendra Scott Foundation

- St. Jude Gift Shop: all proceeds go to the children and families at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital

❤︎ Mail a handwritten letter to your grandma

❤︎ Participate in a local food drive, such as Loaves & Fishes located in Minneapolis, Minnesota

❤︎ Bring your dear mother flowers

❤︎ Visit senior citizens at your local nursing home

❤︎ For families to do tougher via Doing Good Together:

Image from Doing Good Together website